I want to write this down, mostly for myself, but also because I’ve dreamed for many years to write my own book. I get 20 pages or so into a writing and something changes and I loose my focus on the goal. Last night this beginning came about and I wanted to write it, to remember it.
“Every night, over and over, a thousand ideas stream through my conscious. Ideas of who I am, was, and should be. Why I am, what I wanted and what I was thinking. Over and over, a relentless brigade on my brain. Mistakes, triumphs, where the road with no foreseeable end is going. Over and over. People I love, loved, may love. Over and over pounding and sloshing around in a space that should be reserved for productive thoughts. Every night, until finally like a release the ringing comes. It silences everything. No more images, no more thoughts, just ringing; and my eyes stop darting from one side to other and up and down in a dizzy display of confusion, and I sleep. I sleep to the ringing which is like my security blanket, its sweet release telling me I don’t have to worry any longer about all the unanswered questions.”
When the weight of a few rain drops becomes so great that your bloom-your beauty, your strength- is forced to bend- to look down and feel defeated-instead of staying straight and beaming your brightness of color-of love, happiness, hope-that is a pain you wish no one else to know. A pain you hide from those yet to bloom and you wait for the sun to come back, with it’s warmth and light so that you may yet again stand and shine.
This morning I got my second photo feature on Instagram! I more than appreciate getting the recognition, it makes me excited about my photography and I feel slightly more connected to my community. If you are on Instagram and want to check out my feed, you can find me at @dustyharms.
Here’s the phot that was selected, taken yesterday at on the tracks near the CSU Environmental Learning Center!
Thanks to pre-made pesto, tonight’s dinner was quick and satisfying. I added baby portobellos, tomatos, chicken and pasta. Hooray for quick and tasty!
We checked out the CSU Environmental Learning Center and Rocky Mountain Raptor Programs Drake site this afternoon. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole trip. Can't wait to share more photos, for now, a few pics of a Swanson Hawk who serves as one of the many Educational Ambassadors for the raptor program, as she was unable to be released due to injury.
I’m starting to get the hang of true imaginative play. I get to interact as much as she will let me, so long as what I’m doing or saying is being guided or prompted by my cupkeiki. Today her baby, Jumper (the name my cupkeiki picked because Jumper likes to jump on the bed) wanted Mac-n-cheese for lunch with water. We set out two settings and they ate together; until it was decided, by my cupkeiki, that Jumper was not really able to eat with us. I’m enjoying this side of parenting. Of allowing my cupkeiki to take the reins, to teach me things, to get lost in whole other worlds and adventures.