33 started off great! My dad emailed me 3 times (there must be a Chinese superstition that says 3 emails on your 33 birthday will bring much fortune!!)
I removed the notification from Facebook that alerts everyone of your birthday. My grandmother’s were the first to post happy birthday messages. Others trickled in throughout the day and it felt really good to not have an overwhelmingly large number of posts from people who are reminded by Facebook to write me wishes. There’s something about that, about not having a notification to everyone to write to you- it’s not that I don’t like my FB friends, but let’s be honest, not everyone on your list is active in your life or even wants to be. And that’s ok.
My cupkeiki made me wear a paper crown while I walked her to school. Her eyes beamed with pure delight. Her dad and her got me flowers, chocolate and chocolate cake. My partner told me he let her pick everything. It was interesting to listen to him talk about it. About how she gets to control so little of the shopping that happens because she doesn’t understand money- but she has desires like all the rest of us and he wanted to make sure that what she desired to get was within her power. She was so satisfied with her pick, she shared the chocolate she got with everyone. I didn’t mind, it was funny to watch her being a different kind of kid, one who was proud and shared it almost like an adult. Later, she gave me a warm foot bath and massage and painted my toes. It was her idea and I made sure she got to do it, made sure she felt like her wishes to do these things happened. After she did mine, she exclaimed that it was her turn and put her feet in the bowl of water, less than warm, and smiled a big smile. I gave her a foot massage and painted her toes and all the while my heart felt lifted. We we’re doing this together and it was perfect.
I didn’t have to cook, I got new fruity beer to try, a beautiful anklet of coral and amythest and a hand sewn leather pouch from Costa Rica. I felt loved and appreciated by everyone in my house (6 of us and a cat) and that felt amazing. I’ve been struggling, emotionally- but yesterday my heart for the first time in a while felt lightweight, almost free. Like it was above me and I could look up and see it, bright red, beating healthy and strong and then I could look across the table and see these people, looking at me with smiles.