Sloooowwww Doowwwnnnn summer.
So much has been happening that I’ve been behind in posting the fun. That’s probably a good thing though. I can always catch up on a blog, not on the moments already happening.
I’ve really been enjoying our CSA with Revive Gardens. The vegetables have been amazing! I’m also really enjoying picking up fruit from different producers this year, there have been some amazing West Slope Peaches, cherries and plums.
I’ve been cooking up a storm, but in between a wedding, birthdays, family activities and new adventures I’ve been absent from my posting. This has been one of the best summers I’ve had in a while, especially with my cupkeiki by my side; and I’m looking forward to more adventures before the summers end with her!
Already on the schedule for the next few weeks are white water rafting at the Royal Gorge and visiting the Wild Animal Sanctuary! I’m also going attempt selling a few bags that I make. It’s a hobby I love doing, but I always seem to find a way to convince myself that what I make wouldn’t sell. We can sometimes be our own worst enemies, and maybe this is my chance to prove myself wrong!
I hope summer continues to be fun, loving, adventurous and courageous for everyone!
My cupkeiki is turning three soon. It’s amazing to think how fast it all happens. I was writing this afternoon and realized that I am constantly reminded of and have grown from, a particularly difficult moment in motherhood. One that will continue to have a lasting effect on my life, and has brought out a side of me I hadn’t quite understood until I started reading about vulnerability…
“The first few weeks of motherhood were great. Then I got mastitis. Now I know every breastfeeding mother out there is going to say; “big deal!” except I paired mine with three horrific episodes of Clostridium Difficile, and a second round of mastitis mixed in between round 1 and 2 of C. Difficile. I cried. My partner cried. I feared for my life, my partners sanity and my newborns…well everything. The pain of having your lower intestinal tract sloughed off and exiting through you like a freight train through a brick wall one bloody mass after another for weeks straight, 106F temperatures, sleepless nights, leaky painful mastitis breasts, the fear of vancomyocins side effects on not just one body but two, bleaching everything in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and your body multiple times a day, being quarentiened in a tiny apartment with a newborn 24 hours a day… It’s enough to make a measly walk around the block feel like a vacation to Europe. I went through this three times before my daughter was 6 months old. I don’t share my story for pity, pity makes me uncomfortable. I share it because it’s a reminder of the decisions I made in those darkest moments. I told myself I couldn’t give up, it was too late to throw in the life towel; I had a baby and a family to take care of. I told myself that not being beaten by this would make me stronger.”…
Just a bit from my afternoon writing that I wanted to share; because in the end, it really is a great story.
The more I read about being vulnerable and daring greatly, the more I’m reminded of this phrase: “let it go”. Why? It’s a phrase I despise, right down to my core. I can’t let anything go. Ever. Someone can say something; I can say something, and if it feels wrong I stew over it for days. The same thing with actions.
I attribute this to vulnerability. To the trust I have in people and that some people, I feel, don’t recognize, share in, understand or respect what being vulnerable is. This may be a huge overstatement and of course I’m still learning about vulnerability but I’m trying to process things and to understand where some of my “insecurities with trust” stem from.
Why bother writing this? The goal is to become more vulnerable, to be vulnerable in all my trusting relationships with my partner, my daughter, my family, my friends and my networks. To do this though, I have to recognize that I have a certain way of holding on to things. To, as Brene Brown writes, allow the gremlins to take over; to compare, to push away and to resent the way people make me feel, how I make people feel and maybe more importantly- how I make myself feel.
Have you read, “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown?
I’m just starting the third chapter and I suddenly have the need to reflect on the major theme of the book, vulnerablity.
This is going to be a short reflection.
I am vulnerable. I don’t always appreciate my vulnerability, but I recognize just how much it rules my life, and how often I fight it to avoid pain, failure, uncertainty, and distrust in others. I am vulnerable and in that I feel like people who “don’t do vulnerability” look down on me, pass judgement, don’t consider me to be strong, independent, capable or worthy.
Yummy. One word. Creative. Another word. Never would have considered putting all these things together and having it turn out so good. A lot of words.
I knew once I saw the post on The Edible Perspective (a Fort Collins based blog about food and photography), for Kale Pesto with pistachios, zucchini noodles and cherries that I had to try it. Had to. I waited until our CSA delivered Kale and a second zucchini to our weekly pickup last Saturday, and made a quick trip to the store for cherries and pistachios.
I, of course, made some modifications. I added grilled chicken breast marinated in olive oil, salt, pepper and chili pepper flakes. I also crumbled chèvre over everything. I had the purple stemmed kale instead of dinosaur kale, like the recipe called for. I’m not sure I would have known the taste difference between the two anyway.
I was blown away by the entire dish! It was simple and nourishing. I mixed everything on the plate together, but plated things separately for the look of the dish.
Check out The Edible Perspectives blog for the full recipe. http://www.edibleperspective.com/home/2014/7/16/pistachio-kale-pesto-with-zucchini-noodles-cherries-giveaway.html
This moment right here, whenever it happens, be it walking, sitting or sleeping, is magical. It’s like a reset on the entire day. My entire mood can shift like a crack in the earth and I can go from feeling ho-hum, frustrated, too busy, anxious or simply happy to feeling overjoyed, needed, adventurous and so in love. It’s almost an addiction in and of its self. The simple task of holding someone’s hand, of letting go of the past, even if it was two seconds ago and embracing the present is a feeling beyond words, it’s an unspoken communication between souls.